Jump Starting My Week.

Yes, even weekends can be crazy.

Sometimes it's impossible to get caught up on things over the weekend, and I rely on a lazy Monday to get things back on track. Yesterday was supposed to be our lazy Monday, but shockingly, things don't always go as planned.

We have been staying busy lately, which might partially explain my lack of blog posts. As school and everything else winds down, we have also found ourselves doing things such as:

Easter.

Learning to ride a bike.

Repairing a deck.

This awesome Mud Run with mom friends.

And on and on...

So yesterday, on our supposed lazy Monday morning, when I chose not to shower and get ready for the day before conquering breakfast with the kids and school, it is no wonder that the engine wouldn't turn when we loaded up at 7:35 in the morning. 

It's no surprise that the battery was dead as a doornail, which by the way—have you ever wondered what that saying means? Look no further. 

And it was unusually chilly yesterday morning; as I unloaded kids (2 of them still in PJ's) from the van and called my husband at work, I kissed lazy Monday goodbye. As I waited for our sweet neighbor to come with jumper cables, I scrambled to dress my little ones more appropriately for the weather and switched myself from PJ pants to jeans.

While we rushed over to school, then on to Goodyear to switch cars with my husband, followed by 3 consecutive shopping errands, I struggled to keep perspective on our Monday turn of events. While I worried over the fact that I might run into a familiar face in public with my ragamuffin kids and my day-in-the-life-of-a-mommy attire, my kids joyfully sang and played in the backseat and played eye-spy in shopping carts.

I am realizing more and more that these trivial upsets in my routine shape me more than any lazy Monday ever could. How can I really rate a dead car battery, a tardy kindergartner and an annoyance in my change of plans in the big scheme of things? I keep thinking back to one year ago when our little guy was hospitalized for viral pneumonia. 

It was scary; it helped pull everything into perspective for us. It reminded us to be thankful for the truly important things and people in our lives.  And you can bet we held them all a little closer and tighter that week.

I think of my friend Sarah who is a passionate advocate for the people of Sudan. I think of those woman and children near the Nuba Mountains who try to avoid bombs and famine while I sit here typing in my house, stressed about surviving until Season 3 of Downton Abbey.

http://www.bareearth.org/

I have to keep my own undesirable situations in perspective, and learn what I can from each tiny trial.  And as our crazy Monday morning finally culminated in a spectacular moment of triumph when Mason used his potty in the front of the Camry in the Post Office parking lot because we were out of other options, I had to laugh.

And even though I'm pretty sure I sent at least one exasperated text yesterday morning using words like “blerg” and “annoyed,” I'm very thankful for these lazy manageable Mondays. And even though Mondays are the potholes in the road of life, it's true, these tiny potholes are molding and preparing me for who knows what. It's not very hard to recover from the inconvenience of a dead battery and a trip to the store in Pajamas and no make-up.  I'm still trying to keep the big picture in check, remembering that these little warm-up stretches are hopefully making me more flexible for future, bigger potholes.

Mommy Martyr? Silencing the Crotchety Old Lady Within.

Sunday afternoon we drove home from a lovely mountain getaway with family; our legs were cramped from hours in the car and our stomachs were nauseous from winding mountain roads. And after days spent relaxing and doing nothing, my motherly instincts kicked in immediately after we unloaded the car.  So, while I was inside scrambling through the house, sorting laundry, unloading the dishwasher and putting things in appropriate drawers, I looked out the window and saw my husband joyfully pushing all 3 of our kids as high as he could on our swing set. So often my husband gets it right.

I hadn't even noticed what a gorgeous evening it was, or how urgently my 3 moppets needed to run. I joined my little family in the yard and spent some time playing. It is sad that I still have to remind myself of my true priorities so often. I am always chasing down balance, and it's tricky.  And while I certainly don't intend to play good cop bad cop with my husband, why does it happen sometimes? Because somebody has to do the laundry and put things away?

It's no secret that I like to plan; I like to keep things together and fairly controlled in my life, but sometimes I catch myself in a moment like this—looking out a window at laughing kids while I'm unpacking suitcases and worrying about messes and supper and bedtime and I realize my balance has tipped the wrong way. Again. So often I am once again the party pooper who is only worried about everyone having clean fingernails and 9 hours of sleep.

As moms, not only do we find ourselves constantly dragging the chains of housework and food preparation, but we also might find ourselves yelling about dangerous games of horseplay, plastic Light Sabers that swing dangerously close to faces, climbing to dangerous heights on chairs and ladders, and on and on and on. We are protective by nature; we want our kids safe and our houses clean. At the same time, I want to guard against turning my natural motherly instincts into a complete fun zapper. If I am so focused on safe kids and a perfect house, I might get my wish, but I might end up with kids who fearfully tip toe around their own home. And the sparks of bitterness and resentment that sometimes ignite might eventually turn me into the dreadful crotchety old lady I fear I may someday become.

Sometimes I feel the crotchety old lady welling up inside me. Many of us have her. She is the voice that loves to bombard me with facts: the laundry needs done. The floor needs cleaned. The kids are due for a bath. She is the voice that says, my workday is never done and I never get enough sleep! She is the one who rolls her eyes when nobody helps clean up the kitchen after dinner and throws a fantastic pity party because she's the only person who ever does anything around here!

And while the crotchety old lady may be telling the truth and presenting legitimate facts, she needs a new pair of old lady glasses to take a real look at the present. I love the English word for the present—because it is a reminder that NOW is a gift. And when I let the ugly voice of an embittered old lady shout negativity inside my head all day, when I inevitably become a REAL crotchety old lady someday, who will be left to listen to my whiny stories about the injustices of life? Nobody wants to listen to that. I'm afraid women are particularly guilty of this. Granted, the monotony of these years and the lack of immediate gratification is often draining. And we might not get daily recognition for our dirty work and child-rearing responsibilities, but what can I do now to focus on the present—these many gifts before me that outweigh the infinite messes and endless discipline sessions?

I am the first to admit that some days the crotchety old lady in my head wins the battle. Sure, I would love to roll around on the floor with the kids all day instead of folding laundry or I wish I could sleep in until 9 just once in my life! I am trying to silence this cranky old lady with reminders of other truths. These days are fleeting. My babies already need me less each minute of every day. I am blessed. Not only are they watching my every move, but they actually still want to play with me and sit on my lap.

Obviously I don't think we should just let our home become filled with dirty laundry and dishes and cobwebs. There's no need to make bath night a semi-annual event, but we need to balance our responsibilities to our husbands and kids in a genuine attempt to enjoy and appreciate the present. I have seen what happens when women wallow in years of self-pity over the thankless job of motherhood, and it isn't attractive. When I am especially tired, I feel myself becoming the mommy martyr, the one who doesn't have time to sit and play with matchbox cars because there is just too much to do! It's just a matter of time before the mommy martyr becomes the crotchety old lady, because the patterns and selfish thinking are already there.  


I am so guilty of this, and although one of my greatest fears is becoming the bitter, cranky old lady, I know that I need to focus on the truths of the present to keep her from eventually taking over. When it comes down to it, the crotchety old lady is my selfishness, telling me that the gifts of the present are never enough. These moments are temporary in every way; let's send the poor old lady to a place where she won't drag us down with her selfish, bitter thoughts again. 

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and sympathetic? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one heart and purpose. Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.  Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.

Philippians 2:1-4

Date Time with your Kids

I probably tell my kids at least 10 times a day I love them. I know they know. But in this season of all-things-love, I want to make sure I remind my children often how much I like them and enjoy spending time with them.

 As with all kids, ours LOVE to go out for some one-on-one time with Mommy or Daddy. My husband and I try to get a couple of hours with one of them each month. It's sweet to see just how much they anticipate and enjoy this undivided attention. Even my 2-year-old gets giddy if he gets to go in Daddy's truck—just him and Daddy--for a simple errand to the hardware store.

Often our dates involve going out for a meal or dessert together. This provides great talk time. My daughter is 4, and she is happy just to get a cookie or visit the animals at the pet store.

We've done a few more creative things with our 7-year-old. He and I enjoyed a pottery-painting date one Saturday afternoon.

And my husband took him to a high school football game last fall. The stuff that bonds daddies and sons.
 Some other ideas we have for date times this year are:

• go for a bike ride
• take a walk together at a park
• go ice skating
• take a box of donuts to a neighbor
• go to a park and take funny/creative pictures
• make a project together
• plant something—flowers, seeds, a tree
• go on a long hike
• visit a hobby or pet store
• visit an art show
• make a fun video together
• do a random act of kindness together
• find a way to serve or minister to someone in need

Now that our kids are getting a little older, it's fun to find out what they think about the world. These are interesting conversation-starters for a date or even the family dinner table:

• If you could be famous, what would you want to be famous for?
• If you could invent one rule for the whole world to follow, what would it be?
• If you could change one family rule, what would you change?
• If you could keep your room any way you wanted, how would it look?
• What are the qualities that make a good friend?
• What do you think of my driving?
• If you could decorate our home, what would it look like?
• What do you think are the characteristics that make a good parent?
• What is the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?
• What is the most enjoyable thing our family has done together in the last three years?
• If you could have any pet you wanted, what would you choose? What would you name it?

We are trying to use this special one-on-one time to be more than just activity time together...we want to use it to build strong communication foundations with our kids. If we're not open with them now, we know we can't expect them to want to talk to us when they're 15. I'm working daily on being a better Listener to my children!

A few years back, our friend passed along some really great questions to probe the heart a little when you have some uninterrupted time alone with one child. Some don't quite work yet for our young children, but I'm hanging onto them for a few years down the road.

• What conflicts are you and your brothers/sisters having when Mom and I aren’t around?
• How is your heart towards your brothers and sisters?
• Do you think your mom or I show favoritism towards one of your siblings? If so in what ways?
• How’s your relationship with Mom? How is she doing as a mom?
• What is God showing you about the way He made you?
• What can I do better in leading the family to love God and love each other?
• How are your devotions?
• What is God teaching you?
• In your own words, what is the gospel?
• Is there a specific sin you’re aware of that I can help you in defeating?
• Are you more aware of my encouragement or my criticism?
• What’s Dad and Mom most passionate about?
• Do I act the same at church as I do when I’m at home?
• Are you aware of my love for you?
• Is there any way I’ve sinned against you that I’ve not repented of?
• Do you have any observations for me?
• How am I doing as a dad/mom ?
• How have Sunday’s sermons/classes impacted you?
• Does my relationship with Mom make you excited to be married?
• On top of these things, with my older kids, I’m always inquiring about their relationship with their friends and making sure God and his gospel are the center of those relationships. And I look for every opportunity to praise their mother and increase their appreciation and love for her.                     
• Family Strategy questions by Rand Hummel/the Wilds

A little attention and time goes a long way...it's just hard to fit in sometimes. After the football game, my son came home with shining eyes, as well as a little hot chocolate still stuck to his upper lip. He told me it was his best night ever.  Later my husband recounted the evening to me and said he felt like even if he'd been the worst Dad in the world (and for the record, he's a fantastic Daddy!), that evening together would have redeemed him big time. It was a super special outing for both of them. And a reminder to make the effort to book these important times on the calendar before lesser things eat away our hours with our kids.

Be Here Now: Empty out the Sponge of Thankfulness.

It is that time of year again. 
Everyone is bracing for the Holiday season—we are planning meals and road trips, we are on the lookout for deals on wintry foods and early Christmas presents, and perhaps we are packing on a few pounds of winter padding thanks to all those delicious seasonal lattes.

Last year there were several great posts and reminders circulating blogdom with various ways to commit this season to thankfulness. Thanksgiving is a special time; we enjoy fellowship with our families, we eat great food, and the weather is normally gorgeous. I love everything about this season.

We are hoping to approach this Thanksgiving with a true air of thankfulness. Now that my kids are getting older, I'm hoping to impress on them the importance of being thankful and grateful for our daily blessings, especially while the crisp air is thick with reminders of thankfulness.  

I was thinking about some advice that my grandma and mom often repeated for us, and I think it's applicable to Thanksgiving. The premise is that if we aren't giving back to others, if we only receive blessings and hoard them inside without pouring them back into the lives of others, then what good are they? If we soak up our many blessings into a virtual sponge but never squeeze them out for others, then what is the point of receiving blessings at all?

Sometimes I feel stressed about my lack of “squeezing out” the sponge for others. I honestly feel that in some ways I am in a perpetual “squeezed out” state since my days are spent picking up the goldfish and wiping down the noses of little ones and literally squeezing out the dirty kitchen sponge for the 500th time each night. And although it is hard to imagine that the whispering voice at 2 a.m. telling me about his bad dream will ever quiet or that the infinitely growing laundry pile will ever end, ever.... it will. Very very soon this brief chapter will pass; kids will not want to have long chats before bed or ask me to kiss an invisible boo-boo to make it better.

This year, I hope to show my kids that I am thankful for them NOW. I don't wish they were 18 and I don't wish they were little swaddled babies. I love the questions they ask, I love the crazy morning hair and the dirty fingernails. I love the sand they bring in from the sandbox and the way they scream with excitement when I announce we are having a family favorite for dinner. I'm thankful for a little brother who is in love with his big brother. I'm thankful for a sweet girl with earnest desires for sparkly nails and floor-length hair.   

My kids are far from perfect and our life is anything but glamorous, but we are all where we are meant to be for NOW.  A part of my role (as mommy) is to be thankful for them, even when things don't work out according to my plans and schedules and even when I feel like there is nothing left to be squeezed out of this tired, filthy sponge.  In showing them I am thankful for their sweet hearts and their little games, can I pass along a true spirit of thanksgiving? Let's remind our kids that although we are thankful for the fun things that overflow the toy room and the pumpkin pies and hot cider, we are especially thankful for the true blessings we have NOW in our homes--each other!

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” — William Arthur Ward